My reasons for sharing my story;

I've been getting this question for a little while now so since I'm in a better place mentally today I decided to answer the question people keep asking me. The question is "why am I choosing to be so open now about my mental illness and suicide attempt?" 
For me the answer is quite simple I'm choosing to be open and honest about my mental illness because I feel it is something everyone needs to be talking about! It's so taboo to talk about mental illness and suicide and that's why a lot of suicidal people keep their feelings inside. They feel like the world will tell them it's all in their head, if they just try to be happy then it will all go away, if they have faith it will all get better, you choose how you wake up in the morning so choose to be happy, but the reality is that people with mental illness don't have a choice. Trust me when I say there has never in my life been a morning where I woke up and thought to myself "should I be happy or depressed today?" I wake up in the morning praying I will be normal for just one day, praying I won't be suicidal, praying I won't feel the need to self-harm, praying I won't mentally break. I don't have a choice how I feel when I wake up my brain makes that decision for me and because my brain is chemically imbalanced I don't get a choice my body chooses how I feel and I try my best to void the bad out and be happy anyway, but it doesn't always work.
The other side of the question is about the suicide part.. this is a very sore subject for a lot of people but I feel I need to be open and honest about my experience because I feel if I would have had someone who could tell me about their experience and how they dealt with it then maybe just maybe I wouldn't have ended up in an Emergency Room in October with the end result of ending up in Pine Rest.. my thought process in all of this is if I can help someone who is in the same mind set I was back then, then why would I not choose to share my story. Why would I not choose to let people know "Hey I am here and I truly wholeheartedly understand what you're going through, let me help you." So yes am I unconventional because I'm putting my life out there like this yes I am and I have no problem with that if, in turn, it helps someone else. I am not ashamed of who I am or what I did to get me to where I am today... life tried to take me out, but I am still standing today stronger than I've ever been, yes I still have super bad days, but I live through them and I get stronger with each bad day.
So, in the end, I will keep sharing my story if you don't like me sharing about mental illness and suicide then please see your way to the unfriend button on my page cause I don't need haters in my life anyway! 
Sorry for the long post, but just felt I needed to get this out there so maybe people will understand a little more why I share and post the personal things I do! 
#beheretomorrow #suicideawareness #mentalhealthawareness

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