Moving Forward

Life is a battle no matter where you come from. Everyone has demons and everyone has a past, but the question is how do you move on from a past that haunts you everyday? This has been something constantly on my mind lately as I try to move forward with my life and move past the hurt that has surrounded my life for years now. Moving on is never easy. It never becomes easier to tell someone who has hurt you that you forgive them for doing the awful things that they did and in all honesty sometimes you won't ever be able to forgive someone for the hurt they have caused you. For me it's not about forgiving those who have wronged me, it's about showing those people that I am strong enough to move on with my life and proving to them that no matter what they did to me I survived and I am in a better place than I have ever been. Forgiving someone isn't just about saying it out loud. I have a hard time forgiving those who have hurt me in the deepest ways and in all honesty I am not sure whether I will ever fully forgive them or not because the hurt runs so deep that I am not sure it can ever be fully forgiven, but in time I can learn to be okay and I can learn to live everyday without constantly thinking about the hurt that was caused.
Moving on isn't always about forgiving. Moving on is about learning to live your life for you and no one else. It's about learning to cope with the hurt and not letting those who have hurt you control your life anymore. It has taken me so long to finally realize that I do not have to fully forgive those who have hurt me in order to move on, all I really need to do is work through the emotions I feel about the hurt and find ways to cope when the hurt resurfaces. I have found ways to move on with life and not let the hurt consume me anymore. Another thing about forgiving someone who has hurt you is understanding that you can forgive someone, but in all honesty you will never forget the hurt they have caused. Those in your life who have hurt you deeply have to build trust with you all over again because their actions caused you to feel like you could not trust them not to hurt you again. Forgiving someone is not the hardest part of moving on, the hardest part of moving on is learning to trust those who have hurt you.
There are 2 ways in my opinion of moving on, there is moving on with no contact to those who have hurt you and then there is moving on and rebuilding a relationship with someone who has hurt you. If you choose to keep people who have hurt you out of your life all together and cut all ties with them then moving on is a process. You have to grieve for the loss of that person from your life, the loss of the relationship you had and the love you had for that person. You have to learn to forgive them and move forward with your life in a world where they do not exist anymore, which will be hard and will be painful on some days. Letting go of someone you once had an amazing relationship with is never easy, but with the right people my your side and the right coping skills you will be able to move forward and you will be okay in the end.
Now if you choose to let those people back in your life you will have many struggles to overcome. You have to move past the hurt and focus on who they are now. You have to look at them and see if you can see the change in them. Have they grown into a better person? Are they truly sorry for the hurt they caused you? Do they realize they where the ones in the wrong? and most importantly do you in your heart feel like you could ever truly trust them again. If you answered no to any of these questions then moving on with this person in your life is not the right decision to make right now. If you feel anywhere in your heart that they are going to hurt you again then rebuilding a relationship with them should not be on the table right now. Instead have a conversation with them, let them know what you need them to do before you will be able to rebuild the relationship, let them know you need to believe this is what they truly want and are not going to hurt you again before you are able to start rebuilding any sort of relationship with them. If you answered yes to these questions then moving on with them in your life is not going to be easy, but in the end will be worth it.
You are always going to have those thoughts in the back of your mind that they are going to hurt you again, but if they truly love you and want to be in your life they will prove to you in ways only you will understand that they are here to stay for good this time and that they are not going to take any chances of losing you in their life again. Be cautious, but open, be yourself and try your best to move forward and look to the future and not back at the past. When the past does creep up in your mind don't dwell on it, breath through the painfulness of those thoughts and remember you are strong enough to move past it and you are strong enough to survive the hurt. Remember that the future is bright no matter what your world looks like right now and keep moving forward because your worth living for and your worth the fight. Move forward towards the future and forgive those in your past as much as you can that way when the pain hits you on a random day you will know you are strong enough to move out of those thoughts and into a good place because you have moved on from that hurt and into a brighter future with or without those who have hurt you. Always remember you are a survivor, you are worthy and you are stronger than you believe you are!

With love,

Brittany

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