Britts Fight for Life (A mental health battle)

The guilt of being a survivor is sometimes worse then the guilt you feel right after a suicide attempt. The guilt I felt after my suicide attempt was guilt for putting my husband through something like this, putting my mom is this situation and feeling completely guilty for almost leaving my children without their mother. But in reality nothing compares to the guilt you feel for surviving an attempt. People talk about survivors guilt all the time from the view of the survivor of a loved one who committed suicide, but coming from someone who has attempted suicide and lived I also feel survivors guilt. Guilt that I survived while others loved ones didn't. Guilt that my family still gets to love and hug me while others loved ones can only visit their graves.. I feel guilt that this world chose me to surviv e while it let others ended their lives. It chose me to keep living and fighting while letting others succeed in their suicide and no longer getting to be here with their lov...

Sometimes you never know just how much a show, a comment or a person can trigger your worst fears. Last night was one of the worst triggers I have had in a long time. There are so many different levels of ways that your specific triggers affect you, but I don't think I could have ever imagined I would be so affected from a t.v. show then I was last night. Last night I attempted to watch season 2 of 13 Reasons Why. I've been avoiding watching it because the first season really affected me and I wanted to make sure I was more stable before attempting to watch season 2 as I had no idea what to expect from it. I thought I'd be good. I thought I'd b e okay because I had been having an okay mental day, but no I wasn't okay. I was shaking, crying and  literally having a panic attack laying in my bed. I was good until episode 5. For people who do not suffer from PTSD you never know how hard it is until you go through something traumatic enough to have it and then end ...

Having an amazing support system is the best thing in the world. Knowing you have people in this world who will stand up for you and have your back when you are at your lowest points is amazing, but sometimes it can also be hurtful. Something our loved ones need to truly try an understand is that we can not be fixed. Our mental illness is a part of us and unfortunately it always will be. We have a medical condition that causes our mental illness that can not be fixed and cured. We have an imbalance in our brains that causes us to be depressed and suicidal. In my case I also have Borderline Personality disorder which isn't something that can just be cured and I can live the rest of my life as a normal person, it just doesn't work like that. One thing I have learned is that even when people have our best interest at heart it can still hurt us when they suggest certain treatments or medicines because it makes it seem like they just want to cure us and we know better than anyone...