A letter for our Support System;

Having an amazing support system is the best thing in the world. Knowing you have people in this world who will stand up for you and have your back when you are at your lowest points is amazing, but sometimes it can also be hurtful. Something our loved ones need to truly try an understand is that we can not be fixed. Our mental illness is a part of us and unfortunately it always will be. We have a medical condition that causes our mental illness that can not be fixed and cured. We have an imbalance in our brains that causes us to be depressed and suicidal. In my case I also have Borderline Personality disorder which isn't something that can just be cured and I can live the rest of my life as a normal person, it just doesn't work like that.

One thing I have learned is that even when people have our best interest at heart it can still hurt us when they suggest certain treatments or medicines because it makes it seem like they just want to cure us and we know better than anyone that that's not possible and that sucks because we want nothing more than to be normal and live normal lives without or mental illness's controlling everything. In my world every time someone suggest something I should be doing it makes me feel like I am not good enough as I am and that in order for them to truly love me I need to be fixed and cured of my diagnosis. Whether I know in my heart or not that someone is just trying to help my head automatically goes to well they are saying this because who you are with your mental illness isn't good enough for them so you need to fix yourself, or it tells me over and over again that they think I am lying about my mental state and they want me to get these treatments to prove I'm not as sick as I say I am, which sucks because for me all I think about is would you ever tell a cancer patient to get over it or that they are not as sick as they think they are. No you wouldn't because you can physically tell most times that they are sick and getting sicker, but in the case of someone who struggles with mental illness you can't see it because it's in our brains not our physically outside state.

Our support system needs to understand that treatments, medicine and therapy aren't there to fix us. They are there to help us get through the low days and learn how to deal with them better not get rid of them and cure us. There isn't a cure for mental illness. The people who love and care for us need to realize that just because people from our past come back into our lives that doesn't mean we will instantly be cured and happy again. The truth is we weren't happy before those people hurt us, them hurting us just opened up the wounds enough to where we started showing people how depressed and mentally ill we have always been so to think just because a person who hurt us in our past comes back wanting to fix things and be a better person to us doesn't mean our mental illness is just going to go away. We have to live this way for the rest of our lives and not by choice, but because this is apart of us that we can't get rid of. There will be times where it seems like we are truly happy and living a normal life and we will definitely have moments like that, but eventually the mental illness will rear it's head again and we will fall again. Our lives will forever be an endless roller coaster of ups and downs and therapy and medicine is there to help make sure our lows aren't super low to where we are wanting to end our lives, but they are not there to fix us.
The thing we need the most from our support system is understanding that we are trying. We are trying everyday to be better and have better days, but sometimes we can't hide it and we can't fight off the demons running crazy in our brains. Some days we just want people around us to love us for who we are mental illness and all because our mental illness is apart of us whether we like it or not.
I have learned that I would rather put my struggles out there to help others, but also put my good days out there to show those struggling that good days do come. I also want to show people who do not struggle that even though we have these mental illness's that does not make us less of a person and that even though we are so hard to love some days we are so worth it because we know what it feels like to want to die and we don't want anyone else feeling that way so we love deep and we love other's harder than most because we wake up and go to sleep everyday feeling unloved and hated. We are the bets lovers because we feel so deeply and love endlessly.
So if your someones support system just remember we can't be cured by medicine, by change in events or by therapy or zaps to our brains. We will live with our mental illness the rest of our lives and it's going to be hard, but in the end it will be so worth loving us I promise.
To those struggling just remember you are so loved and you are a true bad ass for surviving everyday and learning to cope and continuing to live when life keeps trying to get you to end it all. You are a fighter and no matter what happens you are loved by your support system and you are going to be okay, maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow but one day you will be okay for awhile and then you will fall again, but you wont be alone and you will have those around you who love you and are going to pick you up off the ground and help you move forwarded. It's going to be a hard life, but just remember you are strong enough to live this life, you are strong enough to survive the suicidal thoughts and you are so LOVED!

With Love;
Brittany