Treatment Resisent.. What do you do now?

Treatment resistant isn't a word anyone every wants to hear. It means that treatments do not work for you and the doctors are out of options to help you. "You are treatment resistant" are words I never thought I would hear and words I never wanted to hear. Unfortunately this is my life. Those words are words I now have to associate with my mental illness because for me they are apart of my life now. Nothing is working for me. I have been in therapy for over a year, have taken all kids of meds, been to a psychiatrist for almost a year and have gone into an inpatient treatment center for 5 days to get help, but yet nothing is helping. I am still suicidal daily, still constantly struggling with my anxiety and constantly having nightmares/flashbacks that keep me from sleeping at night.

Have you ever been told your treatment resistant? Have you ever felt like nothing is this world is worth it anymore. That's how I felt when I heard those words. I felt hopeless, I felt worthless, I felt like I wasn't meant for this world anymore. The fact that normal treatments aren't working for me make me feel like I am going to lose my fight with mental illness. How am I supposed to stay alive and keep fighting when I know what I am doing isn't going to help. How am I supposed to go to therapy every week and see my psychiatrist every month if I know in the end nothing will help me.

I feel so lost right now and I am not sure where to turn, but one thing I do keep in the back of my mind is that I have to keep fighting no matter what I have to fight everyday because my kids need me. My husband needs me and they deserve me to keep fighting. I know that sometimes life becomes a huge struggle and I know sometimes you sit there wondering why you are even fighting anymore, but when those thoughts come into your mind remember the reasons to fight, your family, your friends and fight for yourself because your worth the fight whether you believe it or not you are so worth the fight.

This life will never be easy, this life will always be a constant fight for those who deal with mental illness, but as long as we keep up the fight, live our life to the best of our ability and try our best to achieve our dreams then we will survive this life. We didn't ask to have this illness, we didn't ask for the terrible things to happen to us that caused this to be our life, but the world knew we were strong enough to handle it and even on the days were we feel like we aren't strong enough you have to just dig as deep as you possibly can and remember you are strong enough, you are good enough and while it's super hard you are so worth the fight. You are worth fighting for even when it's yourself that is fighting for you. Remember that no matter what this life throws at us we can make it through. Remember you are never alone in this fight. There are millions of people fighting the same type of fight with just a different story behind it. Remember that your life is worth fighting for so please n matter what your demons inside tell you Keep Fighting because this world needs you in it. Like my biggest inspiration Kevin Hines always says Be Here Tomorrow and Every Day After That!

While being treatment resistant is a huge bump in my road of life I will keep fighting and I will keep surviving not only for my kids, my husband and my family, but mainly for myself because I am worth fighting for everyday and I am going to make the absolute most of my time on this earth even though my mind is trying to make me end my life I will continue to fight and live the best to my abilities and make my dreams come true because I am worth it all. 

 

Keep fighting my mental health warriors cause you are so worth the fight!

 

With Love;

 

Brittany