Beautifully Broken

Feeling broken is hard, but what's harder than feeling broken yourself is people treating you like your broken all the time. Am I broken? Yes I am that's no surprise. My brain doesn't function like a normal person, my mind tries to kill me numerous times a day so that classifies me as a broken person. The constant struggle for someone with a mental illness is wanting to be treated like any other person most days with the exception of needing extra love and care on the days your really struggling. 

When you love someone who struggles with a mental illness one of the hardest parts is knowing what to say, when to say it, worrying about how that person is going to take what your saying to them and constantly being afraid of losing the one you love to their illness. 

I get these feelings I truly do, but as a person who struggles those feeling are hard on me too because they make the people I love fear me, fear my actions and treat me like I'm some broken object they need to try and fix. I don't need to be fixed I just need to be understood and loved unconditionally. It makes me lose my mind and temper sometimes when I feel like I'm being treated as a broken toy instead of a human being who is just struggling. I want the words people say to me that I am Strong, that I am a Fighter and that I am a Warrior to have meaning and to be true, but that's hard to believe when I get treated like I'm broken all the time. I know it's hard loving someone who constantly wants to die everyday, but this is my life and I have to try my hardest to survive it. 

The hardest part of struggling is realizing that even though your support team tries to they just don't fully understand and that's okay because they try right? I guess the real point of this blog is to shed light on how you treat those struggling with a mental illness because in all honestly you wouldn't tell a cancer patient they just need to get over it right? Then why would you tell someone who's brain wants to kill them everyday to just move on from it. 

One of the biggest struggles for us is trusting what people say to us. I want to feel like the strong bad ass woman people tell me I am, but it's hard to feel that way when that's what they are saying and yet the way they treat you isn't like your a bad ass, but like a broken toy. I don't want to be fixed by the people around me, I just want to be loved for all my brokenness. I want to be treated like the bad ass woman everyone around me says I am. I want to be supported and loved for all the broken parts of me not just the parts that stay put together. 

As someones support team I think it's important to know that we don't want to be treated like we are broken or needing to be fixed, we just want to be loved for being beautifully broken and strong. We want our support team to do just that support us through the bad days and through the good days. We want them to research our disorders and try their best to understand what we need during the bad days.

Everyday is going to be different. Everyday is going to be a toss between a struggle and surviving for the person you love who is fighting this mental health battle, but the main thing to remember is no matter what kind of day they are having good or bad they need you. They need you to support them any way that you can. They need you to pick up on things they say and do during their bad days that you can tell make them feel better so when they have another bad day you can do those things for them. They need you to not only remind them, but show them that they are bad ass, strong, survivors who are worth fighting everyday for. They want to know that you are willing to walk through hell with them just to show they are worth living for. Actions speak a lot louder than words in my world. I want to feel supported in the things I am doing. I want to feel like others see the value in my life like I try to see. I just want to feel like people in my life see my worth and see a future for me because in my world sometimes a future doesn't seem possible. I want to not only be told I'm a bad ass I want people to show me they truly believe that. I want to feel supported when I do my mental health walks. I do those to not only support others struggling and support for the families who have lost loved ones, but I do them because I need to feel that support from my own loved ones. I want my support team to join me in those things because I want to know that my life is worth celebrating, that my fight for my life everyday means something not just to me, but to those who love me.

Being someones support system when you don't struggle yourself will never ever be easy. It's going to be hard because you will never fully understand what they are going through, you won't truly ever understand why their mood goes from happy to sad to anger and you will never fully understand why they could ever want to make that choice to end their life, but what I can tell you is that it will be worth the fights, worth the tears and worth the love you will get from them on their good days. It will all be worth it to see them survive and succeed on their good days I promise you that. It will be hard, challenging and you will want to walk away as many before you have already, but if you choose to stay and you choose to support them through their struggles the hurt, tears and confusion they cause on the bad days won't compare to the love, smiles and accomplishments they make on the good days. 

If you are a loved one supporting someone who is struggling just remember they are fighting for their life and all they really want besides your love is your understanding and endless support. Be kind to them on the bad days, but also pay attention to what they say they need from you on those days and support them the best you can and the best they will let you. Be understanding that some days they just need space while other days they need a constant reminder that they are worth fighting for and loving. Please remember that they are fighting demons you don't understand or know about so even if they lash out on you be there for them through it and never stop loving them because if they are showing you those moments of struggle they trust you enough to stay and the second you walk away they will feel like their life is worth fighting for anymore. Just remember they love you even on the bad days and no matter what they say they need you and your support. 

If you are struggling reach out to those who love you and those you trust. Tell them what's important to you when your struggling and try your best to help them understand what you need from them on the days you need them the most. Help them understand the best way you can how your feeling and how much their support means to you and your fight for your life. Always remember you are never alone in this fight even if you feel like you are, you are not alone. 

With Love;

Brittany