Britts Fight for Life (A mental health battle)

2 years can feel like yesterday and forever ago depending on the moment and the person. The month of October is not only my absolute favorite month, but the worst month of my life. 2 years ago on October 26th I had the worst mental breakdown of my life. I broke down and decided that October 26 2017 would be the last day I would be alive. I decided that on October 26th I would take my last breath, I would never see my kids again, never kiss them or feel the warmth of their hugs. I would never get to tell them just how much I truly loved them and how much they mean to me. I would never get to kiss my husband and tell him how sorry I am for all the stupid arguments I caused and how sorry I am for all the pain I have caused over the years we have been together due to my abandonment issues. I would never get to hug him and tell him how amazingly proud I am of the man and father he has become. I would never get to look him in his beautiful blue eyes that he passed on to our beautiful childr...

How do you feel every morning when you wake up? Do you wake up with a smile on your face ready to take on the day or do you wake up wishing you hadn't. I can't even explain how many times I wake up wondering why in the hell I am still on this earth. Like who in this world thinks it's a good idea for me to still be breathing and living this life everyday because in all honesty I'm over this being my life. People always say you were given this life because your strong enough to live through it, but in all seriousness I am flipping over it! I'm over trying to be strong, I'm over people telling me that, I'm over pretending that I am not falling apart at the seams and I'm over this life. I just want to be happy, but that's just to much to ask for in my world. It's like no matter what I do or how hard I try this will always be my life. No matter how hard I work something will always knock me when I'm already down.  I titled this heartache becaus...